(February 26, 2012)
Today I woke up out of sorts, the regrets of a vacation week rather wasted and the frustrations of an extended illness, coupled with the recurring homesickness, gnawing at my heart a little. In retrospect, not traveling may have been for the best, for I've felt too crummy the past couple nights to imagine spending a night in a hostel or going out and experiencing a new city, but the hunger to travel, to see mountains and to meet new people is taking hold of me.
It's true that I did not take enough initiative in planning much travel for the February vacation, aside from the weekend in Nantes that I spent with Stephanie and Anastasia, which was last minute. Tentative plans to go to Normandy fell through. But before all that, by the time I really knew what I wanted to do, money was an issue. But in truth, it was more that I was without a traveling companion and I could not imagine traveling all alone to the places I really want to visit - the Alps, for example. I need an adventuring buddy for that. Someone willing to get off the beaten track a little. Come April, these adventures will happen, or maybe even a weekend in March! I cannot wait, and I will do whatever I can to get out there and travel.
But even my rationalizing couldn't totally keep the disappointment at bay, and the homesickness also caught me unawares. (Funny how I long to travel but also want to crawl back into my own cocoon. Never satisfied, Siri?) So this morning and early afternoon, I tried my best to hide the fact that I was a mess from my host mom, and tried to read L'Amant by Marguerite Duras. How French. How not helpful.
However, I am feeling better. Why? Because I dragged my sedentary-and-slightly-sickly-self out for a run this afternoon. I always seem to let slide the fact that being active is absolutely essential. Without it, I'm useless. We as humans are not made to sit around! I, Siri Marias, am made to move, to do dance, to sing, to dream, to breathe fresh air, and to know the feeling of the wind in my hair and a working heart as the world turns under my pounding feet. I am not made to sit in front of my computer, or to lie around all day, at least most days. Moving is living. Setting aside time each day to be active is a part of taking care of myself; I need to respect that more.
Today, once I finally realized this fundamental problem, I ran along the river, on a route known as the Rive Gauche, and once again discovered that Rennes is actually a very beautiful city. There are times when it seems too gritty and industrial, too claustrophobic, to be beautiful, but this spot was open and tranquil and touched by nature. I enjoyed to the sight of the trees and the sky reflecting on the water and little river boats tied up along the sides. the The 50 degree weather meant that I was not alone. Sunday in France means family time, or couple time - and this was the first really beautiful day in quite a while. I shared the path with families on bicycles, elderly couples, dogs (I miss Mariko...), young couples, and of course, other joggers. Yes, I believe I'm going to be fine.
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