bouger, c'est chouette! (and sweat!)

(February 26, 2012)
Today I woke up out of sorts, the regrets of a vacation week rather wasted and the frustrations of an extended illness, coupled with the recurring homesickness, gnawing at my heart a little. In retrospect, not traveling may have been for the best, for I've felt too crummy the past couple nights to imagine spending a night in a hostel or going out and experiencing a new city, but the hunger to travel, to see mountains and to meet new people is taking hold of me.

It's true that I did not take enough initiative in planning much travel for the February vacation, aside from the weekend in Nantes that I spent with Stephanie and Anastasia, which was last minute. Tentative plans to go to Normandy fell through. But before all that, by the time I really knew what I wanted to do, money was an issue. But in truth, it was more that I was without a traveling companion and I could not imagine traveling all alone to the places I really want to visit - the Alps, for example. I need an adventuring buddy for that. Someone willing to get off the beaten track a little. Come April, these adventures will happen, or maybe even a weekend in March! I cannot wait, and I will do whatever I can to get out there and travel.

But even my rationalizing couldn't totally keep the disappointment at bay, and the homesickness also  caught me unawares. (Funny how I long to travel but also want to crawl back into my own cocoon. Never satisfied, Siri?) So this morning and early afternoon, I tried my best to hide the fact that I was a mess from my host mom, and tried to read L'Amant by Marguerite Duras. How French. How not helpful.

However, I am feeling better. Why? Because I dragged my sedentary-and-slightly-sickly-self out for a run this afternoon. I always seem to let slide the fact that being active is absolutely essential. Without it, I'm useless. We as humans are not made to sit around! I, Siri Marias, am made to move, to do dance, to sing, to dream, to breathe fresh air, and to know the feeling of the wind in my hair and a working heart as the world turns under my pounding feet. I am not made to sit in front of my computer, or to lie around all day, at least most days. Moving is living. Setting aside time each day to be active is a part of taking care of myself; I need to respect that more.

Today, once I finally realized this fundamental problem, I ran along the river, on a route known as the Rive Gauche, and once again discovered that Rennes is actually a very beautiful city. There are times when it seems too gritty and industrial, too claustrophobic, to be beautiful, but this spot was open and tranquil and touched by nature. I enjoyed to the sight of the trees and the sky reflecting on the water and little river boats tied up along the sides. the The 50 degree weather meant that I was not alone. Sunday in France means family time, or couple time - and this was the first really beautiful day in quite a while. I shared the path with families on bicycles, elderly couples, dogs (I miss Mariko...), young couples, and of course, other joggers. Yes, I believe I'm going to be fine.

bouger, c'est chouette! (and sweat!)

(February 26, 2012)
Today I woke up out of sorts, the regrets of a vacation week rather wasted and the frustrations of an extended illness, coupled with the recurring homesickness, gnawing at my heart a little. In retrospect, not traveling may have been for the best, for I've felt too crummy the past couple nights to imagine spending a night in a hostel or going out and experiencing a new city, but the hunger to travel, to see mountains and to meet new people is taking hold of me.

It's true that I did not take enough initiative in planning much travel for the February vacation, aside from the weekend in Nantes that I spent with Stephanie and Anastasia, which was last minute. Tentative plans to go to Normandy fell through. But before all that, by the time I really knew what I wanted to do, money was an issue. But in truth, it was more that I was without a traveling companion and I could not imagine traveling all alone to the places I really want to visit - the Alps, for example. I need an adventuring buddy for that. Someone willing to get off the beaten track a little. Come April, these adventures will happen, or maybe even a weekend in March! I cannot wait, and I will do whatever I can to get out there and travel.

But even my rationalizing couldn't totally keep the disappointment at bay, and the homesickness also  caught me unawares. (Funny how I long to travel but also want to crawl back into my own cocoon. Never satisfied, Siri?) So this morning and early afternoon, I tried my best to hide the fact that I was a mess from my host mom, and tried to read L'Amant by Marguerite Duras. How French. How not helpful.

However, I am feeling better. Why? Because I dragged my sedentary-and-slightly-sickly-self out for a run this afternoon. I always seem to let slide the fact that being active is absolutely essential. Without it, I'm useless. We as humans are not made to sit around! I, Siri Marias, am made to move, to do dance, to sing, to dream, to breathe fresh air, and to know the feeling of the wind in my hair and a working heart as the world turns under my pounding feet. I am not made to sit in front of my computer, or to lie around all day, at least most days. Moving is living. Setting aside time each day to be active is a part of taking care of myself; I need to respect that more.

Today, once I finally realized this fundamental problem, I ran along the river, on a route known as the Rive Gauche, and once again discovered that Rennes is actually a very beautiful city. There are times when it seems too gritty and industrial, too claustrophobic, to be beautiful, but this spot was open and tranquil and touched by nature. I enjoyed to the sight of the trees and the sky reflecting on the water and little river boats tied up along the sides. the The 50 degree weather meant that I was not alone. Sunday in France means family time, or couple time - and this was the first really beautiful day in quite a while. I shared the path with families on bicycles, elderly couples, dogs (I miss Mariko...), young couples, and of course, other joggers. Yes, I believe I'm going to be fine.

a note home

I miss you, U.S.A.

I miss you, Montana, with your big sky and your mountains, and the poetry that you inspire in my heart. I miss you also, precious father who is living in Montana. And I miss you, Washington State, with your newly passed Gay Marriage Approval, and your own mountains, and your Palouse region with the beautiful hills and the wheat fields and my precious mother, and your Seattle, where I would find my big brother. I miss you, Minnesota, with your cold and your fields and your Minneapolis, and your lakes and your Lutherans, and a big chunk of my family, and my college, and my friends. I miss you, New Mexico, even though I was too young to really know you – I will find my way back to you. I miss you, Painted Valley of North Dakota. I miss you, Chicago. I even miss you, North Idaho, because you have lake Coeur d’Alene, and that is not something every state can claim. 

It’s being gone that makes me appreciate how beautiful my country really is.

Settling In

I knew, or at least, I thought I knew, that the first few weeks would not come easily here in Rennes. Other students from Saint Olaf who studied here had warned us that it would take time ; still I wasn’t really prepared for the tidal waves of strange emotion and the generally unsettling feelings that come with being thrown into a new place, at a new university, with a new family and only one established friend, and all in another language. That, and living far away from those things previously taken for granted – those things from which one has (perhaps unknowingly) drawn comfort for most of one’s life. In brief, I speak here of high expectations from parents and professors, of being insanely occupied all day long, and my guitar, among other things.

Indeed, the first few days, even until this week, I think I hated the student aspect of my séjour à Rennes. I still have my qualms about it, perhaps. Here at the CIREFE, and maybe at the Faculty as well, there is not always the same work ethic among my fellow students that I find at Saint Olaf, for example. Here in my language classes, if there is a homework assignment – a worksheet that would take five minutes, for example – there is a 95% chance that nobody will do it until the day it is due, and then in class. I’m guilty of this myself. That behavior would never fly in junior high in the states, let alone in a university class, but my professors here do not seem to care. It’s a rather unsettling atmosphere for those of us who come from a rigorous background in education.

This is not to say that students are not motivated – many of the international students who come to study here in Rennes are here to gain a diploma from the CIREFE that will permit them to find work or continue their education at a university in France, or simply to learn french so that they can live with their significant other and make their life here. Each student is here for a different reason, and I find it fascinating. And then there’s me – and what am I doing here?

First major question, first major emotional obstacle that has confronted me in the past few weeks. I came here with no idea of what I would find. I’m not here to gain credit for my french major. I don’t have a french major, nor will I, because that interest came too late. I’m  not directly pursuing my theatrical aspirations (aside from a club for theatre Tuesday nights) at the CIREFE, anyway.

These were the scruples.. but in the end, I’ve decided to come to terms with my decision to blindly blunder into this beautiful, messy, and uncertain adventure. I don’t know what I’m going to come away with, but I’m already, at least, making daily discoveries about myself and what I really think about the world, and what I really find important. And that is enough, right now. I’m starting to find my way around here. I am firmly committed now to finding opportunities: to pursue my musical interests, my theatrical interests, my dreams of traveling, and my wish to simply enjoy life with new friends and profiter de la vie.

For those first two goals, I have my host mother to thank for that. When she discovered that I sing (and that I have a pretty voice), she insisted that I try and get out a little in the town and ask in bars if there’s an opportunity for me to perform a little, for example. I’m really going to try (first step, find a decent guitar to borrow, and then ....)

Sometimes, I need that push.

And as for the rest – well, travel plans are finally starting to happen. I didn’t have big plans for this week’s vacation, but Stephanie, myself, and a girl from Indonesia, Anastasia, spent the weekend in Nantes. We visited the chateau there, saw the mechanical elephant, and went out on the town Saturday night. Sunday brought us less fruitful occupation, but we returned to the chateau and ended up spending two hours in the museum there and learning all about the history of Nantes and its development as a major port city and a cultural center of Bretagne. We also had a little photoshoot – pictures to come.

The last few days I’ve spent hanging out at home with my host family, and I really cherish this time with them, though it’s not the most exciting occupation. Elisa has really started to warm up to me, and I’ve found that it already hurts to think of leaving this family at the end of May. What a special experience.